Skinny Minnie

Went to see the GP last week for The Berry's 4 month jabs. The vaccinations themselves went fine - a good yell but soon forgotten. More of an issue - the dreaded growth chart. I had thought that The Berry was looking a little on the lean side, compared to some of the other babes at Mother's Group. She also feeds very quickly. At first when I mentioned it, the doctor said, "well you're both tall and skinny, I'd expect your baby to be the same". Very good. But then The Chart appeared. With its percentiles. The Berry has maintained her percentile line for her height, but not her weight - she's dropped from the 50th to the 15th. This seemed to change the tune the GP was singing pretty quick. Does she take a bottle? How are her poos? Can I top her up with expressed breast milk, and then formula? 


But she was happy - sleeping well and a few times even sleeping from 10pm-6am. And the GP said (or I heard), "Some babies are just very good natured. She could be hungry all the time and just not be complaining, because she's used to it."


I'm starving my baby and she's just gotten used to it.


Now I know this is an overreaction. But since then, it *does* seem like she's hungrier. A few times, she's refused to go to sleep - although in her very good-natured way, she just lies in her cradle and makes little sighs and coos and simply stays awake until I twig and give her a feed. Sometimes she seems unsettled in the middle of the day. But don't all babies?


I don't want to just introduce formula - I've heard lots of stories about upset tummies, early weaning, constipation, allergies. While I don't have a problem in the slightest with other people formula feeding, for some reason I can't fathom doing it myself. I don't understand this. In practical terms, it would be great - I could let Mr B do a feed. I could have a few glasses of wine. But that voice just keeps saying,


I'm starving my baby
I'm starving my baby


I'm feeling depressed and teary again, things like my weight are getting to me (can't I transfer the fat from my belly to hers), and the days are feeling empty, like a blur. This is not good.